You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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