it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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