Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
