need another drink. this is the easiest way
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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