hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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