i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
