Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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