there was a trapeze. enough said
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
