Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
