addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
