That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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