After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
