Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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