3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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