I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
