I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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