he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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