Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
