i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you never un-have a 4some
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
