I just saw a hot homeless man
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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