Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
