yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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