i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
