I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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