Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
