You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
