Please, let me fuck your mom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
