he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
