is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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