We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
