i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
