Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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