I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
