Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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