This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
