took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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