you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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