I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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