just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
