She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
