so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
