Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
