I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
