masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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