capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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