just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
