Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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