I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
