I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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