I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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