We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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