Just cropdusted the office
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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