what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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