Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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