Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
