Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
