your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
